


i want something (just like this)

by blutsbad



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 12:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17325011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blutsbad/pseuds/blutsbad
Summary: “you said you’re single,” daniel stuffs another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.“and?” he questions, taking the spoon away from daniel and eating some cereal himself.“and you’re not single.”“i am not?”“you are not,” daniel affirms. “how do you not know you’ve been dating seongwoo for months?”jaehwan chokes.





	i want something (just like this)

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt: 
> 
> "jaehwan didnt know but apparently he and seongwoo have been dating for the past 3 months."

there aren’t many times in jaehwan’s life in which he isn’t sure about something related to his feelings, values or social life - friendship and relationships included.

 

for example, while everyone was struggling to decide where to study and major in, jaehwan already knew - not because he was some of those lucky assholes who knew what he wanted to be as soon as he was four years old, but because he looked through all possible universities and majors and chose the first things he liked and went for it, no second guessing, no looking back.

 

he doesn’t know where this ability of almost always “just knowing” comes from, whether it’s because he has a whole lot of self-confidence in himself, knowing he will only choose the best for himself, or if it’s because, like minhyun likes to say, he is a degenerate dumbass with no sense of self-preservation.

 

which again, not knowing doesn’t happen that often to him.

 

and jaehwan, like any other stressed college student, likes to avoid things, people and situations that make him feel unsure, but then, there are moments in which jaehwan can’t run, in which jaehwan is forced to look at the unknowingness in the eyes and be like “okay, i have to figure you out now!”.

 

one of those moments is right now, with a just woken up seongwoo giggling while resting his head on jaehwan’s shoulder and their fingers are intertwined.

 

one of those moments is right now, with a bare-faced seongwoo, with a seongwoo that has his fringe down and his hair unkempt, with a seongwoo that is wearing one of jaehwan’s old ratty band shirts, some sweatpants and a sock with a hole where his big toe peeks out, with a seongwoo, that despite all that, still looks fucking gorgeous in jaehwan’s eyes, that still makes him want to smother seongwoo in kisses until he is laughing for and because of him.

 

seongwoo and jaehwan have been friends for the longest of time, ever since seongwoo was assigned to be jaehwan’s guide on the first day of college, and jaehwan’s pretty sure at least half of that time - which is almost 3 years now - he has been kind of ridiculously in love with him.

 

the other half of that time, jaehwan had probably just confused his undeniable crush on seongwoo for admiration.

 

sometimes, while lying down at night, jaehwan begins to think, think and think again, trying to figure out when exactly the switch in his head had gone off, but he never quite remembers, never can pinpoint the exact moment.

 

whether it was when seongwoo had first ditched his mr. perfect image and had shown his true self, swearing and being a dork around all of their mutual friends, or whether it was when they first started to hang out and seongwoo had gone from squirming away from his touch to wiggling under his cover and cuddling up to him, talking about whatever had just come into his mind.

 

there are just so many moments that could have been it.

 

so many moments in which jaehwan had started to guess that the way his heart sped up every time he just walked by seongwoo wasn’t normal, so many in which he had had the urge to suddenly swoop seongwoo in his arms and kiss him silly.

 

jaehwan blinks.

 

his cheeks turn red.

 

he did that once.

 

way back in freshman year.

 

he was tipsy and seongwoo was there, dancing in the middle of the living room, oversized sweater and round glasses on, it had made him lose his absolute mind. so naturally, he had just walked over to him, asked him for a kiss and had been surprised when seongwoo had nodded, urgent fingers tugging at jaehwan’s shirt and pulling him closer until their lips met in a kiss that was beautifully soft but also desperate.

 

jaehwan thinks that the morning after is one of the mornings he regrets the most.

 

seongwoo had approached him with a coffee and blinding smile and jaehwan had smiled back before running, out of the corner of his eyes he had seen seongwoo’s smile drop and it had broken his heart into pieces.

 

afterward, seongwoo had texted him, apologizing about last night and telling jaehwan that it didn’t have to mean anything if jaehwan didn’t want it to.

 

jaehwan had thanked him, promptly calling him his bro and saying he was glad their friendship was okay. honestly, jaehwan had been a huge fucking idiot, but he guesses karma bit him back in the ass because a month later seongwoo had happily announced to be dating moonbin from the dance department.

 

(they had broken up after five months of dating and jaehwan had felt guilty for not being too sad about it.)

 

“hey, are you listening?” seongwoo asks, brows furrowed and nose scrunched up.

 

“nope,” jaehwan grins proudly.

 

“mean,” seongwoo pouts. “i was asking if you were going to come with me to the graphic design department’s party tonight.”

 

jaehwan ponders about it for a bit. he’s not really feeling like partying, he’d much rather spend his whole day lazying around with seongwoo and somehow getting him to cuddle, but seongwoo is looking at him with a hopeful sparkle in his eyes and he knows he can’t say no.

 

“you’re the only person i’d attend the most boring college party for,” he sighs,

 

“don’t lie, please. we both know how much you enjoy going to our party, “ seongwoo says. “i remember how you got drunk off your ass last year, shouting out from the rooftops how much you wanted to get fucked by - “

 

“okay, you can stop now.”

 

“by me.”

 

“i was in drunk, you can’t hold that against me!” jaehwan protests, a hue of red once again appearing on his cheeks. “besides, i didn’t get fucked by you or anyone, so it was boring. my ass truly deserves better than that.”

 

seongwoo laughs, burying his nose in jaehwan’s neck.

 

“right,” he says. “i’m pretty sure the only reason you’re not getting fucked is because you don’t want to be fucked.”

 

“i,” jaehwan stutters.

 

perhaps seongwoo is right. jaehwan isn’t getting fucked or is fucking anyone because he pretty much doesn’t want to do it with anyone that’s not seongwoo himself.

 

“i’m a single man, i can and will be fucked whenever and by anyone i want!” jaehwan says.

 

it’s probably the wrong thing to say.

 

yes.

 

most definitely.

 

seongwoo laughs again. this time, however, the sparkle in his eyes and the sincerity in the sound of it is gone. he looks ugly like that, pretending to be happy when he isn’t.

 

jaehwan wonders what had made him suddenly switch from joking to that.

 

“single…” seongwoo mutters, scratching his head. “yeah.”

 

“yeah!” he repeats, sounding more sure than he actually is and nodding.

 

they don’t say anything for a while. an awkward silence settling between them - jaehwan doesn’t even know why and that bothers him so much because usually he is the one that can read seongwoo like a book, knows how to cheer him up or say things straight without offending him.

 

“okay,” seongwoo claps his hands, untangling himself from jaehwan. “i’m going to change clothes and then head to work.”

 

before jaehwan can say anything more - not that he knows what the fuck he would say anyway - seongwoo is up and heading into jaehwan’s room, closing the door behind him with his shoulders tense and head down.

 

jaehwan stays seated.

 

gaping.

 

head reeling.

 

not knowing where the fuck things went wrong.

 

“you really fucked it up, huh?”

 

he whips his head to look behind him, falling from the couch from how startled he is, only to come face to face with daniel, who has a mouth full of chocolate cereal and is looking at him blankly.

 

“since when have you been there?” he yells, arms flailing as he gets up. “and why did you not say anything before i fucked it up?”

 

“i didn’t think you’d fuck it up that much,” daniel shrugs.

 

seongwoo walks back into the room in that same instant, eyes widening when he sees jaehwan talking with daniel. he acts nonchalant though, rasping his throat and muttering a “bye” under his breath. daniel replies with a “see you, hyung” but jaehwan stays paralyzed, feet rooted to the floor.

 

“okay, cool, cool, cool, cool,” jaehwan paces around when he hears the door to the apartment shut close.

 

“not cool,” daniel replies.

 

jaehwan glares at him. he had messed it up, he had totally fucked it up by seongwoo’s face but what had he exactly been wrong about? he is allowed to fuck whomever, whenever he wants. should he be the one getting mad at seongwoo? that would be a pretty shitty response to something that’s the truth. he stops pacing. should he call? apologizing without knowing for what?

 

“dude, you’re making me nervous,” daniel says. “can you not - “

 

“what went wrong?” jaehwan asks, not listening to daniel as he begins to walk around again. “what the fuck did i do wrong?”

 

“you said you’re single,” daniel stuffs another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

 

jaehwan goes to where daniel is sitting and urgently gestures for him to keep talking even though daniel’s point is not very clear in his mind still.

 

“and?” he questions, taking the spoon away from daniel and eating some cereal himself.

 

“and you’re not single.”

 

“i am not?”

 

“you are not,” daniel affirms. “how do you not know you’ve been dating seongwoo for months?”

 

jaehwan chokes.

 

“i’ve been - i’ve been what for what now?” daniel hits him on his back, or well, really, shoulder, trying to stop him from coughing and spitting food all over their kitchen counter.

 

“dating seongwoo for months,” daniel repeats.

 

“what?”

 

“are you stupid or something? you’ve been dating seongwoo for months, like, almost half a year or something, ever since the your birthday, when he gave you the 60 water colour pencil kit you’ve been wanting for ages and attached a post-it note asking you out?” daniel frowns, clearly irritated. “you said yes, you hugged him and laughed and seongwoo looked at you like you hung the stars on the sky or something.”

 

jaehwan remembers.

 

of course, he fucking remembers. he had thought it was a fucking joke.

 

sure, seongwoo looked more nervous than usual as he handed him his present and he had thought it was perhaps a bit weird that seongwoo had held his hand for the entirety of the party afterward - even the way their friends had congratulated them, patting jaehwan on the back and saying “finally” over and over again had been odd, but still.

 

it hadn’t clicked that it was meant to be serious.

 

“you’re even facebook official, dude, like, what the heck?” daniel continues, confused. “did you really not know?”

 

that, too, jaehwan had thought was funny, a prank.

 

there’s nothing funnier than fake getting into a relationship with your bro when you’re completely head over heels for him, right?

 

“oh shit,” jaehwan says. “oh shit!”

 

for fuck’s sake, if they had been dating for that much time, how come seongwoo had never even tried to kiss jaehwan, or initiate anything else.

 

yeah, sure, they had cuddled countless of times ever since his birthday party. seongwoo, too, had become clingier, messing up both jaehwan’s heart and mind at having him always be nearby whenever they were in the same room.

 

and okay, maybe seongwoo had initiated the habit of holding hands whenever they walked around campus or the street together, and just maybe he had also started to kiss jaehwan on the cheek every time they parted ways but that didn’t have to explicitely mean anything.

 

right?

 

“but i’m sure seongwoo would have… he would have…,” jaehwan gestures around wildly. “tried to kiss me or something? right? that’s what couples do! if we were dating, he would - “

 

“i’m pretty sure he’s waiting for you to be ready,” daniel answers. “or comfortable with it.”

 

“oh.”

 

“yeah, ever since freshman year, he was afraid of overstepping any boundaries between the two of you. even when you were drunk and willing after you got together, he never gave in, no matter how much of a tease you were,” daniel says. “it was pretty impressive.”

 

“haha, impressive. yeah. cool. ha,” jaehwan laughs, desperate.

 

“you really didn’t know?” daniel rests his chin on his hand, eyes piercing into jaehwan’s, analyzing his every move.

 

“nope.”

 

“but you like him?”

 

“pretty in love with him, actually.”

 

“and how are you going to fix this?”

 

“crying pitifully and hoping for him to approach me first so i can word vomit a confession?”

 

“that would kind of be very cowardly. the ball is on your court now, he’s probably asking himself if he had been a fool - if you really didn’t know - if you don’t actually like him and he was being an idiot for half a year. the ball is in your court dude. he won’t come for you.”

 

“okay.”

 

“yeah.”

 

“are you sure it’s not a good option? seongwoo is nice, he woudln’t just let our friendship die, right?” he double checks.

 

“jaehwan.”

 

“running after him like a madman out of a romcom and telling him the truth?”

 

“could work.”

 

“could?”

 

“seongwoo is a sucker for you, it’d most definitely work.”

 

“cool.”

 

“jaehwan,” daniel’s eyebrows rise expectantly and jaehwan’s eyes widens. “what are you still doing here?”

 

“oh,” jaehwan exclaims. “right!”

 

he can hear daniel laugh as he turns around, rushing to the entrance and putting whatever he deems necessary into his pockets.

 

“jacket!” daniel yells from the living room.

 

“thanks!” he says back, quickly shrugging his winter jacket and slippers on.

 

in hindsight, jaehwan thinks as he runs down the stairs, he’s very sure he should have taken the extra seconds and put on some sneakers, running down the stairs and through the streets would have infinitely been much easier.

 

❇

 

movies suck.

 

movies suck and jaehwan’s life sucks because unlike in those stupid hollywood rom-com movies seongwoo and he watches for hours on their lazy weekends, he doesn’t find seongwoo quickly. nor does he look insanely attractive, hair dancing in the wind and a light sheen of sweat, when he finally finds seongwoo walking a few meters in front of him.

 

no.

 

he is in his stupid shiro pjs, sweating buckets and can barely even scream seongwoo’s name to gather his attention from how fucking breathless he is.

 

“seongwoo!” jaehwan yells, desperately.

 

some passerby look at him weirdly as he runs by them but it’s okay because seongwoo turns around, confusion clear in his face, and looks at him.

 

and jaehwan knows it’s really not the moment but, fuck.

 

seongwoo is so beautiful - so, so beautiful.

 

“jaehwan?”

 

“yes, hi, it’s me,” he pants as soon as he is right in front of seongwoo.

 

“i can see it’s you, yes,” seongwoo assures, looking him up and down and without a thought taking off his scarf and putting it on jaehwan. “why are you wearing slippers, you dumbass?”

 

“because i was in a rush,” he admits.

 

“in a rush for what?” seongwoo cocks his head. his nose is red, so are his cheeks and his ears, and his lips, god, his lips are red from the wind and they’re so distracting.

 

“to talk to you!”

 

“you came all the way here in slippers to talk to me?”

 

“yes.”

 

“okay.”

 

“okay,” jaehwan echoes. “okay! so, yeah, uh, i am an idiot?”

 

“uhm.” seongwoo blinks.

 

“i am an idiot and i didn’t know we were dating until daniel told me so and i kind of hurt your feelings, i think? and i’m sorry? because i didn’t want to hurt your feelings?”

 

“that - that sounds a lot like you, yes,” seongwoo smiles thinly.

 

“i don’t think that’s a compliment,” jaehwan frowns.

 

“i’m not saying it isn’t,” seongwoo replies. “i’m guessing you ran here to… break up? and go back to being friends? which hey, as long as you’re happy, i am good.”

 

for a minute, jaehwan’s reminded of what happened almost two years ago after their first kiss. he hates the fact that for the first two seconds, his mind wants him to do the same, to lie to seongwoo and say “yeah, exactly”.

 

but jaehwan’s changed.

 

for the good, he thinks.

 

he doesn’t want to be a coward, not anymore.

 

“don’t assume things, idiot,” jaehwan tsks. “i never said that. i just said i didn’t know we were dating.”

 

“right,” seongwoo nods. “what do you want then?”

 

jaehwan blinks. and thinks. and repeats that until his fingers have found themselves on the collar of seongwoo’s jacket and he has already taken a few steps forward, their bodies leaning closer.

 

“i want to kiss the fuck out of you,” he blurts.

 

seongwoo laughs, the sparkle in his eyes that inspires jaehwan every time he has an art block coming back a thousandfold, making jaehwan feel dizzy from how breathtaking it is so up close.

 

“i want to kiss the fuck out of you and,” jaehwan gulps. “and i want to be your boyfriend. officially. knowingly.”

 

“i think i can manage to do that,” seongwoo nods.

 

“yeah?”

 

“yeah.”

 

“good.”

 

jaehwan is the one to lean up for their kiss.

 

it’s not perfect - for god’s sake, jaehwan is pretty sure he can’t feel his toes at this point - but it’s just right how he remembered and imagined it would be.

 

soft. desperate. satisfying. addicting.

 

when they pull away, seongwoo cups jaehwan’s cheeks and leans their forehead together, the both of them just breathing each other in, happy smiles on both of their faces.

 

“i can’t believe my boyfriend is an absolute idiot,” seongwoo giggles.

 

“yeah, me neither,” jaehwan shakes his head jokingly, their noses bumping together. “but at least it’s an idiot that loves you. a lot. and runs in slippers when it’s freezing outside to confess his love for you.”

 

“that’s right,” seongwoo smiles.”he’s the perfect brand of idiot to mine. he’s very lucky i love him a lot, too.”

 

jaehwan intertwines their fingers.

 

as jaehwan looks seongwoo in the eyes, he feels a sense of giddiness spread through his tummy, knowing that the future that awaits them will be just as happy as the moment they’re living through right now.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for arriving to the end of this, i hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> this work... is one of my first after many, many months. and while it's not the one i'm the proudest of, i'm still glad i was able to finish it in time to post it for this amazing fest. 
> 
> thank you to the mods for organizing the fest! 
> 
> any kind of feedback and kudos is appreciated.


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